


Even in Dreams

by allofthefandoms



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Major Spoilers, time skip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2014-12-07
Packaged: 2018-02-28 11:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2731130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allofthefandoms/pseuds/allofthefandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even in the fade he can find her.</p>
<p>She smells faintly of elfroot sap and embrium, a sweetness he can track across land and sea.  She sparkles brightly in his mind, drawing her every time he dreams. </p>
<p>It’s so hard to stay away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even in Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I am doing a little fic exchange with azuraspyte over on tumblr, who wanted Lavellan/Solas smut. The actual porn is in the second chapter, but there we are.
> 
> Also MAJOR END GAME SPOILERS FOR SOLAS AND HIS ROMANCE.

Even in the fade he can find her.

She smells faintly of elfroot sap and embrium, a sweetness he can track across land and sea.  She sparkles brightly in his mind, drawing her every time he dreams. 

It’s so hard to stay away.

And so one day, 15 years after all that had happened, he doesn’t.  There are new wrinkles around her eyes and a grimness to the set of her mouth that makes something in his chest lurch uncomfortably.  She is getting older and to Solas’ infinite eyes it seems like only a moment has past. 

It’s clear by the rage in her punch that she feels differently.

“How could you?” She gasped around angry tears.

“Ma vhenan—“

“Don’t _call_ me that!” She shouted, hands sparking with uncontrolled magic.  “You lost that right when you _left_ me!”  Solas stepped back, hands raised placatingly.

“I had to,” he said softly.  “Please believe me when I say there was no other choice.”  Watching her, it was like someone had cut her strings.  Every inch of her sagged, fists unclenching and head hung low as she sobbed.

“I missed you so much,” she choked out.  “I’ve never stopped missing you.”

“I see you every time I dream,” Solas confessed.  Her eyes, wet and red rimmed, widen slightly.  Solas knows she understands what that means, and he sees her expression soften ever so slightly.

“I’m with someone else now,” she confessed softly.  “Nearly 12 years now.”  Solas doesn’t know why that hurts so much, but it leaves him breathlessly hurt, aching and bereft.  It was foolish to think she’d wait for him.  She had her own life outside of Solas, had before they had met and after he had left.  Surely her heart was no different.

“Does he treat you well?”

“You know Bull,” she said with a soft smile.  “Boisterous and rough but not a cruel bone in his body.”

“You’re will Iron Bull?”

“He makes me laugh,” she said softly.  “Takes care of me when I forget to sleep or eat, makes me feel precious and worthy without ever asking for favors.  He _stays_.  Trusts me with _all_ of himself.”  Solas can feel the reprimand in her voice and it makes him bite his lip.

“You can never know.”

“And that’s the problem.”

“Kadan, it’s—You!”  Iron Bull is across the room in moments, hand around Solas’ throat.

“After all this time you have the fucking nerve to show your face here again?”  He snarled.  “After all the hurt you’ve caused?”  Solas can’t summon a shred of magic to defend himself against the Bull’s rage, and a part of him doesn’t want to.  He was wrong to come after so long, and he deserves this.  Deserves rage and vitriol, not her quiet acceptance.

“You hurt her so much.  Every day she misses you, aches for you like your loss is a festering wound.  I know she’d go back to you in a heartbeat if you asked.  And worst of all, I’d let her.”  Solas is thrown to the floor, hands glowing as they work to ease the throbbing ache of bruises in his throat.

“I won’t leave you,” she said softly, not meeting Bull’s eyes.

“You don’t have to lie to me, kadan.”

~ ~ ~

She tried to smile through the parade of formal visitors at the ball that evening, but she couldn’t focus.  Not even Bull’s easy banter kept her grounded, especially when she kept seeing Solas stalking through the shadows on the edge of the hall.

Eventually Cullen pulled her aside, a frown on his face.

“You seem distracted, Inquisitor,” he said, voice full of concern.  “Not yourself.”

“Solas showed up in my chambers,” she confessed, dropping her gaze.

“Ah,” Cullen replied, running his hands through his silvery blonde hair.  “I take it it didn’t go well?”

“I’m not ready to forgive him,” she replied softly.  “I waited years for him.  And now he’s back, acting like nothing has happened and he still won’t tell me why he left.”

“And Bull?”

“He knows,” she said flatly.

“Explains why he isn’t quite himself either,” Cullen said with a sigh.  “Do you need anything from me?”  She shook her head, giving him a sad smile.

“I just don’t know what to do,” she said sadly.  “Balls, politics.  I understand that.  I still don’t understand my heart.”

“Whatever happens, I have faith you’ll get through this,” Cullen said gently.  “You’re strong.”  She gave him a weak smile and slipped away.

~ ~ ~

“I know you’re here, Solas,” Cullen called, standing in the now empty great hall of Skyhold.  “I’d like to have a word with you.”

“I hope it’s not another lecture,” the mage replied, pouring out of the shadows as if he belonged there.  “You’re not likely to be as effective at it as Iron Bull.”

“What are your intentions with her?” Cullen asked coldly, not interested in beating around the bush.

“How so Commander?”

“Don’t play coy,” Cullen snarled, yanking Solas to him by the front of his robe.  “I watched her, watched what you did.  Do you have any idea how I feared for her?  How every day I woke petrified that would be the morning she would throw herself off the battlements because she would rather die than live without you?  For nearly a year she was a ghost of the woman who I was proud to call my friend and it was your fault.  I will kill you before I let you hurt her like that again.”

“Noted,” Solas said dryly.  The shadows seemed to merge and warp around him, and Cullen swore he could see the shape of a monstrous black wolf looming in the darkness.  Cullen shuddered, hand going to the pommel of his sword instinctively.

“Goodnight, Commander,” Solas said softly.  “I hope I make the right choice this time.”

“So do I.”

“Dream with me tonight,” Solas said as they walked on the ramparts the next morning.

“Excuse me?”

“You wanted to know the truth,” he reminded her.  “Come dream with me.”  She looked away, steps faltering.

“Solas, why don’t you just tell me what’s going on.  I can handle the truth.  I don’t need some pretty dream to comfort me.”

“You won’t believe the truth if I just told you,” Solas said softly.  “And the Fade is the only place I can show you.”

“Why wait then?” She replied.  “A sleeping draught works just as well for Fade walking as natural sleep.”

“You’d go now?”

“I need answers Solas.  I need them.  I need to know if 15 years of pain, of years spent barely holding onto my will to live, were worth my pain.  If what you needed to do, if your secrets…”  She trailed off, looking at Solas’ unblemished smooth skin.

“I gave you something important, she said, idly trailing the paths where her winding tattoos once sat.  “Let’s see if it was worth the giving.”


End file.
